A splash of tea
by TanteKJ
Summary: Jean-Luc wishes forgiveness.


A splash of tea

The eyes of the senior staff kept flicking from their Captain to their Doctor and back again. Beverly showed no external signs of distress, sadness, or that legendary temper she at times unleashed. Their Captain, however, was on the edge of a dangerous precipice and they feared it was simply a matter of time before he fell.

"Do I make myself clear!?" Picard thundered, coming to the end of a seeming endless stream of orders.

"Perfectly, Captain."

Wil Riker's voice was even and steady as he answered for all assembled.

"Dismissed!"

Trying not to trip over their own feet, the Enterprise's Senior Staff rose and beat a hasty retreat from the Observation Room, each noticing how Beverly hung back, letting them leave before joining their leader where he stood near the window.

"To be a fly on the wall." Wil muttered to himself. "What?"

Deanna held her gaze on Wil a beat longer before softly answering, "He's in turmoil."

"That much is obvious." Wil replied as the pair took their seats on the Bridge. "What I want to know is why? Everything seems fine between him and Beverly. What the hell is going on?"

"Something private." Deanna answered with an irritating tone. "Something we don't get to know about until he decides he wants to share."

Wil shook his head.

"Beverly hung back. She knows."

"Yes. And I sensed no turmoil from her. Whatever it is, it is affecting the Captain. She knows, and she knows how to help."

His shoulders falling as he exhaled, Wil turned his gaze to the large view screen before him.

"Right."

He held onto her like a drowning man would have held to a life raft.

"You have to stop torturing yourself."

Picard shook his head, his cheek scraping against the fabric that covered her shoulder.

"It never should have happened." He whispered into her hair.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jean-Luc. You didn't mean for it to happen."

"But it did!" He exclaimed, pulling away from her. "And it caused pain."

Beverly's heart twisted as the words fell from his lips on an agonized whisper.

Taking his hands in hers, Beverly met his eyes and softly spoke his name.

"Jean-Luc, DON'T."

He shook his head, his gaze dropping to the floor.

"Jean-Luc, I - "

"Sickbay to Dr. Crusher."

"Crusher here."

"We have a medical emergency here. There was an accident on the Holodeck. Ensign Markson suffered internal injuries during a round of Parrises' Squares. We need your assistance."

"I'm on my way. Crusher out."

She looked back to Jean-Luc for a beat.

"Don't." She whispered emphatically.

"You're needed in Sickbay." He returned, his voice flat.

She sighed softly as she slid warm palms over his cheeks. Framing his face with her hands, she leaned in and kissed him softly.

"As soon as I'm done down there, I'm coming to find you and I'm going to prove to you once and for all that everything is fine."

He said nothing but allowed an almost imperceptible nod of his head.

"I love you." She said.

"I love you, too." He whispered back.

She moved from him then, going to tend to her duties. She tossed a look over her shoulder as she reached the doorway, her shoulders falling as he turned back towards the stars with a still tortured look in his eyes.

"We're not fighting, Deanna."

"Hello to you, too." Deanna replied as she entered Beverly's office. "Besides, I already know that."

"How do you know?" Beverly asked, before instantly answering her own question in tandem with Deanna.

"You sensed it." "I sensed it."

"Then what can I do for you, Counselor?" Asked Beverly, motioning for Deanna to take a seat.

"He's in turmoil." Deanna said, repeating what she'd said to Wil.

"I know that." Beverly said, a slight bit of irritation present in her tone.

"He needs you, Beverly."

Annoyed, and a little offended, Beverly sat back in her chair and leveled an even gaze at her friend and ship's counselor.

"Just say it."

"He's not on the Bridge." Deanna simply offered.

"I was on my way to see him right now." Beverly said. She rose from her chair in one fluid motion and headed for her doorway.

"You're just as obvious as Wil is when you're fishing around for something." Beverly called over her shoulder. "And you're as equally bad at it."

"Computer, location of Captain Jean-Luc Picard?"

"Captain Picard is in his quarters."

"Is he alone?"

"Negative."

A soft smile tugged the edge of her lips as she headed for the turbolift and the appropriate deck.

She entered the quarters quietly, the darkness of the space being the first aspect to touch her senses. She didn't call out for him, instead headed for where she was pretty sure she'd find him.

She didn't say his name, simply stood in the doorway as her eyes took in the hard line of his shoulders and waited to see if he would notice her, smiling warmly at him when he finally did turn and saw her standing there.

He drew in a breath and walked in her direction, the air stirring slightly around them as he passed her and moved to the quarters' sitting area.

She waited until he was sitting on the sofa before moving to join him. She sat next to him without a word and waited for him to speak.

She didn't have to wait long.

"You know, Sarek's heartbreak was that Spock would never know just how much his father loved him. That he would never understand just what his son meant to him. During our mind meld I never thought I would ever actually understand that feeling...I do now."

"Spock does know." Beverly said softly.

"Yes." Jean-Luc agreed, his eyes on the room beyond them. "He does."

Beverly gazed upon him for a long moment before reaching and threading her fingers through his.

"It was an accident, Jean-Luc."

He offered her a sad smile and squeezed her hand.

"Yes." He whispered as his thoughts drifted. "An accident..."

He was sitting at his desk, looking over several crew reports when a small form pulled his focus.

"Hello." He said warmly, turning in his chair and looking down at his feet. "Would you like to assist me?"

A happy giggle was his answer.

He bent at the waist and lifted the tiny body onto his lap.

"Hello, my little dear." He said, his own eyes smiling back at him as he positioned his daughter on his lap. "So, which report should we start with?" Jean-Luc asked.

The infant giggled again before leaning forward and reaching for a PADD with a chubby little hand.

"Ah, Mr. Worf's security analysis. I suppose we can start with that, although we can't tell your mother. She'd never forgive me if I let you pursue a career as a security officer."

As if understanding just exactly what he meant, the tiny life on his lap let go of the PADD and reached for another one.

"You shouldn't be letting her look at any of those, Jean-Luc."

A smile lit his face as he looked over at his wife.

"It's not like she can read, Beverly. Besides - "

A loud crash interrupted his thought process. Two sets of eyes flew to his desk where his cup of Earl Grey had fallen on its side, the hot liquid spilling over his desktop, the PADDs, and his daughter's hand.

Jean-Luc bolted to his feet, taking his daughter in his arms, moving her away from further danger as her cries rent the air.

"Beverly!"

Grabbing her medkit, Beverly bolted across the room and took her daughter in her arms. She quickly scanned the reddened flesh before reaching for the dermal regenerator and quickly repairing the damage.

Jean-Luc watched in silence, his feet moving of their own accord, backing him further and further away from his girls. His eyes were fixed on the angry, red flesh that marred his daughter's hand.

Waves of guilt and fear assaulted his being. How could he have let this happen? How could he have been so careless?

He decided he'd rather be again assimilated by the Borg than feel the way he did for even a nanosecond more.

How would she ever forgive him?

"Jean-Luc, come here."

Beverly's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He forced his legs to work and slowly made his way over to where Beverly stood with their now calm daughter safely ensconced in her mother's embrace.

"Is she..."

"She's fine. The injury was minor."

"Injury..." Jean-Luc whispered. His eyes looked past Beverly to the room beyond. "If you'll excuse me."

He left then, all but running from their quarters, Beverly's voice barely registering as she called out to him to stay.

That was 18 hours ago. Eighteen hours of torment, of replaying the horrible moment again and again in his mind. Eighteen hours of internal damnation, of growing certainty that his daughter would never want to be near him again.

Eighteen hours of Jean-Luc wanting to hold the girl with her mother's hair and his eyes against his chest and promise her the Universe if she would just smile at him.

Her cry brought him out of his tormented thoughts, back to his quarters, back to where Beverly, her fingers still threaded through his own, was standing and pulling him towards the bedroom.

"No." He stopped, pushing his heels into the soft carpeting. "You go. I'll wait out here."

"Like hell." Beverly replied, continuing on her way. She stopped once they reached the edge of the crib.

"Pick her up." Beverly instructed gently.

He shook his head.

"Jean-Luc, pick. Her. Up." She was firm now, serious.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jean-Luc tugged at his tunic, straightening the material, before reaching into the crib and picking up his daughter.

"Shhh." He murmured softly. "It's all right. You're ok."

"Relax."

Beverly's whisper hit his ears, his shoulders relaxing as cries quieted and a little body snuggled against her father's strong chest.

He hugged her to him as she calmed.

"You're alright." He whispered. "You're safe. I'm here."

The baby pulled back and raised her face towards her father's. The two sets of matching eyes studied each other for an eternal moment before Felisa Yvette Howard Picard touched her father's soft cheek with her now healed hand and smiled.


End file.
